When My Expectations and God’s Intention Collide

So my life in brief overview...MY expectation was to marry that perfect man. And I did, more or less.  Our union brought together two head strong humans.  God’s intention, to learn to submit one to another.  MY expectation was to live happily ever after, and, well, we are, most of the time. I’ve often despaired over the lack of harmonious agreement of that beloved man’s choosing his ideas over mine.  Go figure.   God’s intention,
Love one another as ourselves.   And take this  life in stride, remembering often our disappointments are His appointments.  Not taking ourselves too seriously.  It’s been a long time coming and still in progress.  What happens when my expectations collide with God’s intention?  Plenty up 'til now.  

Disaster strikes.  Most of the time anyway.  Seldom do I see the total abolition of my expectations as a joyous occasion, or one to be met with the same enthusiasm as when He says “yes” to my requests. 

Back to the overview of our adult history.  My expectation was to have perfectly formed children.  Two were born with a chronic degenerative disease.  My expectation was for our prayers for their healing to be miraculously granted.  At 35 and 41 years of age they continue to walk a tightrope trying to balance a “normal” life with managing chronic illness.  My expectation was to grow old gracefully, gradually accepting limitations and contributing aged wisdom to the younger generations with just a little less energy and vitality.  At 63 there are days when 86 year olds could run circles around me as my body refuses to move as quickly and stamina runs out before my brain quits thinking of things we need/ want to do.  My expectation was to have  our home be the quiet resting place for our weary heads in our aging.  But, for however long the Lord deems necessary we share our humble dwelling with adult children and a 3 year old stick of dynamite ~ hardly a quiet resting place.  Yet, more blessings than disadvantage come with the arrangement.  No complaint about the circumstances that keep us lively and on our toes! God knows what He's doing.

My expectations were to live long and healthy, to enjoy parenting, and grand parenting, to easily meet the needs of aging parents and on and on.  

MY EXPECTATIONS!  I have come finally to that place in life where I’m beginning to understand life is not about me!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to push down an angry retort when a child or teen has made a foolish or very selfish, self centered comment that screams, “I’m the center of the Universe, serve me!”.  And now, I am ashamed to  see how my expectations must look to an all wise, all knowing, all wonderful God who knows every part of me, and my every thought.  

I bumped into a couple of seasoned blogger’s whose lives seem to be upended.  One challenged by health issues of a family elder wreaking havoc, the kind that trickles down into the core of one’s being, and tries to define who they are by what is happening.

The other a youngish Mom realizing she has to make choices between what her head says is a priority, and what her heart hears her King say is essential.  

Collisions.  Expectations of long and healthy family relationship, assisting the process of growing old with dignity and grace, and joy knowing family is everything to every member of the group.  What seems to be God’s intention is in direct opposition with family torn to shreds, the agony of illness stealing away memories and recognition of important events and people, ripping to shreds the emotions and very soul and spirit if emotions were left unchecked.

Collisions of the worst kind.  When relationships don’t stand the test of time.  When those we think we are connected to vanish into thin air leaving us fearful and alone.  We are left out in the cold, shaking and chilled to the core, realizing yet again we are not up to the full task of resolving the issues, mending the proverbial fences, “fixing” the ailment, stopping it’s dire progression. When we are pressed for time, the weight of life as we know it resting on our shoulders to keep peace and maintain organization, children clamoring for our attention, discipline needed and on and on …. Life spirals out of control, very much in opposition to what we expected life to be at this season of our journey.

When our expectations collide with God’s intention there are 2 choices we could make.  One, struggle in our own strength against the circumstance with as much fight as we have left in us.   Or do the mental gymnastics necessary to shore up and prioritize thinking, letting the Spirit of God prevail.  

The rest of my time left on this planet I pray I am able to put that concept into perspective and change those collisions from events that rip the very heart and soul asunder, knocking me off balance and out of commission for a time until I get over my tantrum, not having my expectations gratified to my liking.  I want to see them as a challenge to my faith, an opportunity to display my confidence in my King, to show Him, and myself, and the watching world I don’t think for a moment that I’m the center of the Universe, I’m not that spoiled child looking only to be served.  Rather I am a dutiful child of the King willing and ready to change my course as He deems necessary to do His bidding with a willing heart. 

I’m pretty sure now that it’s down in black and white there will be plenty of opportunities offered, just to see if I’m as willing as I think I am.  Collision free and clay in the Potter’s hand.  We shall see. 

“If I hold on to choices of any  kind, just because they are my choice; if I give any room to my private likes and dislikes, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”

Amy Charmichael